Scariest. Craigslist. Missed. Connection. Ever.

We met last night on the metro, you were from California and I pretended to be. As you were leaving our hands softly splashed together. Your fingers were like a waterfall of perspiration and I could almost see my reflection in the pool of sweat that had collected in your palm…it was magical. Sadly I never asked you for your number, I was nervous, but I realize now that we were made for each other for you see……I also am plagued by excessive hand sweat. I know the agony of constant hand washing, ruined keyboards, and terrified children. But together we could raise awareness and fight to end the persecution of hand sweaters everywhere. Hand in hand (with an appropriate amount of tissues in between) we could accomplish so much. Please contact me, don’t let this opportunity slip by just like so many glasses from your moist grasp.

Creepy props to Wonkette.