Monday, January 09, 2006

Utah Politics Explained

So, with the whole Brokeback Mountain controversy, I was thinking about Gayle Ruzicka, the bat-shit crazy housewife from Alpine who is the head of the Utah Eagle Forum, wingnuttiest of the wingnut action groups in my beloved ancestral state (Don't those ladies have enough to do, what with cleaning the house and watching the kids?). This woman has a totally exaggerated power, making legislators tremble with a mere gaze of her steely glint. She is the #1 unelected political shotcaller in the state (OK, #2 after the Mormon prophet).

But as I gazed upon her lovely visage, it stuck me like a thunderclap, the dark secret at the heart of Utah's long history of embarrassing wackiness.

Gayle Ruzicka used to be a man.

It's all so clear now! You know those trannies and their elaborate senses of humor. "GAYle" is obviously pulling some sort of prank/performance art, which will no doubt end up with her in low-cut diamond-encrusted evening dress, belting out "Lady Marmalade" under the Capital Rotunda.

Won't all those silly legislators feel stupid then!


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