Hot Osmond Bi-sexual Teens!

I reader kindly tipped my to this lovely story about Marie Osmond's two daughters, who both have posted sexually explicit info on their Myspace profiles. Her oldest daughter says that she is bisexual and craves sex "as many times as possible". Her sixteen year old talks about doing David Bowie (I didn't know that the kids these days were that cool) and refers to herself as a slut. Marie is up in arms. Typically, despite being the person in the world most responsible for how her daughters are raised, she chooses to cast aspersions the that source of all prevailing evil in the modern world, the internet:

"The insidious potential for harm from adolescent Internet sites like MySpace.com only exacerbates these kinds of problems."

Like her daughter is only a slut in cyberspace?

Semper Idiotus

The AMC movie theatre in Bridgewater, New Jersey, recently fired a ticket taker for sporting tattoos on his forearms. The employee? 80 year old William Smith, who got the tattoos as a 17 year old Marine fighting in World War 2.

Happy Memorial Day.

Kenneth Lay, Good Christian

"I firmly believe I'm innocent of the charges against me," Lay said following the hearing. "We believe that God in fact is in control and indeed he does work all things for good for those who love the lord."

And the thousands of employees and investors who lost everything because of your greed? Did they love the Lord less?

Nothing pisses me off more then those who use their piety as a cover for their sins. Apparently the President's good friend Kenny-boy has never heard the story of the moneychangers in the temple, or the rich man and the eye of the needle. Jesus hates a C.E.O., brother.

Hipster Death

I can't say I totally agree, and there is nothing more hipster then condemning hipsters, but he's got a point:

Dude, it's time. Girls, you too. Time to pack up the whole in-your-face, raw, hyper-sexualized, porno, skater, white trash, open wounds, self-effacing, Jackass, loose ethics, 80's bar mitzvah disco, and party-till-you vomit movement, aesthetic and attitude. Go on, scram. Beat it. We don't want you hanging around anymore. For those of us that saw this Larry Clark inspired tsunami coming, we all thought Terry Richardson was on to something fun (in 2000) and we all laughed our asses off at Vice's fashion do's and don'ts (in 2002... ok, ok... they're still pretty funny). Ed Templeton represented on the West Coast. And for a nanosecond it seemed like that colosal wanker Dov Charney was going to breathe some eros into the deadly boring billboards and newspaper back covers of our nation's cities. Ya Ya Ya... we thought.

But it's all over now you beautiful losers. The schtick just comes off as stupid and done. Your hip, modern, rough-hewn, brainless, urban nihilism has been handed over to marketers and sold to the suburbs. Tired. Tired. Ti-erd. Like disco in the 70's you never had any substance to begin with, and you thought that would make you safe. But it hasn't. Your fashion clock has stopped ticking. And don't try to pretty things up with your pastels and your five sizes too small dandy suits either. Just take your little terrycloth short shorts, your limited edition Ryan Mcginley skateboard, your two months at Parsons (before you got kicked out), your ketamine, your tube socks, and your three legged cat, and just go. Try to have the decency to fade into the night and be remembered by your own kids in twenty years. God knows you took enough pictures. They'll be yawning at yet another flash-saturated shot of you getting your boobs sucked by strangers in a crowded Brooklyn bar.

Please. Go. Stop clinging on. Make way for something new. Evolve.
OK, you can keep the hot pants.

Give In To The Myorg

I finally broke down and joined Myspace. I already feel hipper.

Here's what I put under whom I'd like to meet:

I dig guys my age or younger, from slim to beefy. I especially love country boys, big ears, short hair, big smooth chests, useless liberal arts educations, a good singing voice, and those little round dimples some guys have right above their butt. We'll get along well if you love a good book and a good beer, Emmylou Harris is your idea of a gay icon, you have no more than three hair care products, you despise bullies of all stripes (especially elected ones), and you'd like a big brother but don't need a daddy. Extra points given to queer punks, red-cheeked Irishmen, Johnnies, jack Mormons, fans of Charles Ives, West Indians, half-breeds, owners of air-cooled Volkswagens, Patrick O'Brian readers, alt-country heroes, Kierkegaardian existentalists, ex-wrestlers, Oklahomans, hookers of the rugby kind, the pure of heart and the polymorphously perverse.

Profiles In Courage

Some choice quotes lifted from Americablog:

GOP Senator Jeff Sessions referring to the rightness of Bush's domestic spying after 9/11 declared melodramatically:

"Over 3,000 Americans have no civil rights because they are no longer with us."

On February 3rd, Kansas Senator Pat Roberts similarly claimed:

"You really don't have any civil liberties if you're dead."

Senator John Cornyn, a Texas Republican, said on December 20, 2005:

"None of your civil liberties matter much after you're dead."

Patrick Henry:
Give me liberty or give me death.

An American Second Act

Andrew Sullivan jumps on the Al Gore buzz bandwagon. Gore is being propelled forward by a wonderful combination of Hillary ennui, the deep desire for a do-over on Bush, and the American love of a redemption song.

Al Gore. Liberal, electable, rested and ready. Now only one suggestion.

Bring back the beard!

Communist Manifesto

Jeff "The Snowman" Monson is an up-and-coming Ultimate Fighter champion. He's also a rabid leftist, with a anarcho-syndicalist star tattoo on his back:













Standing 5' 9" tall, weighing 240 pounds and sporting a shaved head, Jeff "The Snowman" Monson looks like a cartoon ready to pop, a compressed giant of crazy shoulders, massive biceps and meaty forearms. When he sneers, people shudder. When he sweats, they turn away. When he's angry, your best bet is to run.

He's angry right now, even though his combat career in the Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC) -- an often-bloody tournament that combines martial arts disciplines like Brazilian Jujitsu and Muay Thai Kickboxing -- is taking off. In February's pay-per-view event, Monson easily beat his opponent with a chokehold in the first round. If things keep going this way, he could have a title shot in the heavyweight division, against the explosive Andrei "The Pit Bull" Arlovski. So no, it's not his future career prospects that have him pissed. It's the state of the world.

"I'm not some sort of conspiracy theorist," Monson says of his political leanings. "I'm not talking about how the government is trying to hide UFOs. I just want to do away with hierarchy. I'm saying that our economic system, capitalism, is structured so that it only benefits a small percentage of very wealthy people. When I was traveling in Brazil, they had us staying at a really posh hotel. Outside the hotel there was a mom sleeping on the sidewalk with her two kids. That's when reality hits you. What did that woman ever do? Who did she ever hurt?"

There are few things hotter then a lefty who can throw a punch.

We The People

Check out this amazing photo from last Monday's rally on Wilshire Boulevard:

Hard Times Come Again No More

Watch this video of Bruce Springsteen at the New Orleans Jazz Festival, singing his re-worked version of Blind Alfred Reed's classic blues song, How Can A Poor Man Stand Stand Such Times And Live?

Sample new lyrics:
There's bodies floating on Canal and the Levee's gone to hell,
Martha get me my sixteen gage and some dry shells,
Them who got out of town and them who ain't got left to drown,
Tell me, how can a poor man stand such times and live?

Rough times demand solace in old songs.

Listen In

Heads up. I'll be appearing Friday at 10:15 on the Frank DeCaro Show on Sirius Satellite Radio, ot discuss my documentary movie, Straight Acting. I used to love Frank when he was the movie reviewer on the Daily Show, and hopefully he'll be kinder on me then he was while reviewing The Perfect Storm, which he once described as "a waste of some perfectly good seamen".

PTL

In Washington last week, there was a very special gathering of good Christians, gathered to pray. The pray for what, prey tell?

Lower. Gas. Prices.

Hallelujah!

Thanks to Joe.My.God for the heads-up.

Pictures From A Day Without An Immigrant

Yo Soy Americano

I'm off to the immigration rally in downtown L.A., along with my four thousand co-workers. The factory is shut down, and we're going to go send our message. On the way to work, I noticed that about 50% of businesses were shut, mostly small businesses, not the big chains. There's a lesson there. I'll post a full report later.