Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Queer Cars?

The web site has compiled this list of the ten most researched cars by the Friends of Dorothy who visit their site:

1. Saturn Sky
2. Toyota Yaris
3. Dodge Caliber
4. Volkswagen Jetta
5. Toyota Camry
6. Audi A3
7. Toyota Prius
8. Saab 9-3 (sedan and convertible)
9. Pontiac G6 (sedan, coupe and convertible)
10. Mazda MX-5

OK, I'm calling bullshit on this list. Here's my reasons:

1) The words "gay" and "Pontiac" should never appear in the same paragraph. Except as a derogatory, or course.

2) Excuse me, no Mini Cooper? Have ya been to San Francisco? They're like designer-colored cockroaches.

3) Just as how Jesse Jackson speaks for all black folks and Jerry Falwell represents each and every follower of Jeebus, I personally speak for all the 'mos, and I see no mention of any sweet 1989 190E 2.6 liter Mercedes-Benz on this list.

As for the Caliber, that is easily explained. It comes equiped with a CVT, and if there is any phrase in the automotive lexicon that is gayer then an easter parade, it has to be "Continuously Variable Transmission".

Or at least they say that they are "continuously variable" when you're checking them out online. Then you get them home to the garage and you realize that they are really just a butched-up manual, and as usual you still have to do all the hard work yourself.

Thanks to Jalopnik for the heads-up. Davey knows how to feed us fegelah gearheads!

P.S. What about this sled:

It don't get no gayer then that.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Spenny, it sure is weird to see you acting like a crazy looney gay guy. Did you erase your CTR ( Choose The Right ) Tattoo that you have on your ankle? Have you completely forgotten about all the girls you danced with at the Church Dances. I am sure that in time all your values will come back and you will bring out the nice old CTR Tattoo.

10:58 PM  
Anonymous said...

The only car on that list that I've seen mentioned on similar lists is the Camry. Also, the Jetta conjures up notions of high school and college kids, regardless of gender. Now, if you added the VW Beetle, that's another matter entirely.

And an aside to Anonymous: evidently Spencer chooses not to worship so-called Prophets who molested girls as young as 14, claiming that their eternal salvation depended on it. If you are seeking further light and knowledge, give this website a try:

9:14 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home