Thursday, December 08, 2005

Next Up , A Mr. Shunned Samaritan Contest

This rather trollish Massachusetts pastor

is furious, furious! at the horrible power imbalance between queers and straight people. It's not all those gay heads of state, gay titans of Fortune 500 companies, gay military leaders, and gay religious power brokers that tick him off. Because, ya know, they don't exist. Rather, it's the awesome power of homo beauty pageants and promotional contests that stick in his craggy craw, pageants and contests like "Mr. Gay Universe".

So, hoping to fight fire with fire, he's come up with the perfect vehicle for Heterosexual tolerance. You guessed it, a Mr. Hetero contest!

These putatively straight fellows will be judged on a plethora of talents, such as how many Oprah magazines they can tear in half, and how many uses they can come up with for duct tape.

I bet I could name a few uses for duct tape that the good reverend is not familiar with.

No word yet on what tests will be administered to prove contestants Heterosexuality. I would suggest a trick question. Ask the contestants to finish this sentence:

At first I was alone, I was ________.

Available for sale at the Mr. Hetero contest will be these T-shirts:


Anonymous Anonymous said...

A competition? How do you prove you're the hetero-est?

I would think plenty of gay guys could rip a stack of magazines in half. Meanwhile, I have trouble ripping up a stack of junk mail (those damn phony credit cards!).

If a straight guy figured out how to use duct tape to perform fellatio on himself, would he be the pinnacle of heterosexuality?

Everyone is complaining about being offended, yet Christians are the only ones on the offensive.

Christian. Logic.

They don't belong in the same sentence.

I, for one, whole-heartedly support homosexuality because it means more boobies for me! Hmm, unless all women were homosexual...

I, for one, whole-heartedly support enjoying your sexual preference and leaving at least one heterosexual woman for me! I also support Christians (and everyone else throatfucking people with their beliefs, opinions, etc.) in shutting the fuck up.


6:45 PM  

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